Photogross

Although this blog was initially created to improve my photography as well as my writing, I realized I hadn't uploaded any pictures. My photography has slowly been coming along but I know I should work on it more and like the saying goes: practice, practice, practice. A common challenge photographers take in order to improve their photography is the 365 day challenge. It's quite simple. The main rule is to take a picture everyday of the year. I was afraid to take this challenge because I know I can't consistently produce a good image every day and I think that's already obvious from my first picture. However this is helpful in many ways.  By taking the time to take this picture I focused on important aspects of photography such as exposure, lighting, composition etc.. Although it may not seem like it I took quite a bit of time and quite a bit of tries to get this image. There were many variations and I think this picture has the best mixture of elements that I was looking for. (not really).

Late at night I was editing some pictures in Photoshop. I'm lying. Actually I was going to edit some pictures in Photoshop but since I got this idea to get into the 365 day project I used all my time in taking self portraits. Those chairs are ridiculously distracting but I didn't realize that until I had already imported the pictures into my computer.

Titled days after: My emo rant

I feel like I use this blog solely to express the unhappiness I feel in my life. If someone were to read my blog, they might think I'm the biggest failure and the most depressed human being on the planet. That is not necessarily the case but since I use this blog to express my most impacting feelings, I may appear as a miserable human being. Today I didn't prepared with a certain topic in mind but I was feeling certain emotions so I felt like I needed to express them somehow. When I feel this way I usually try to shake it off with physical exercise which relieves me of any stress or annoying emotions. When I run not only does my body relieve my mind of certain thoughts but as I run, I exhaust every thought that is bothering me and when I think of something that is bothering me lately, I feel like running even faster. The more affecting the thought is, the faster and harder I run to relieve myself of that thought. It's not a conscious decision to run faster but these thoughts cause me stress and as I run I feel as I am running away from them. I can't do that right now and it is at this time of the day that I am most vulnerable to these thoughts. I can't escape them. It is late and time to go to bed. I have to lie still in my bed till I fall asleep. This is the moment when these thoughts seep in and flood my mind. They flow through my mind freely and I can't escape it. I physically wince at the thought of the mistakes I made in the past. They're are like small needles torturing me. I try to bring in positive thoughts but I realize I'm not strong enough to force my thoughts into the direction I want them to go. But I know I can be. I know I can think differently. I know that I can change my future to stop regretting the mistakes I make. I regret the mistakes I make because they are the same ones over and over again. Famous role models have stated that if they could go back in the past they wouldn't fix their mistakes but make them over again because they believe it was a valuable learning experience. Mistakes are learning experiences but if they are always a learning experience then I must be an expert. I guess I don't make many mistakes but just one big mistake. I continue to live life the same. I know I'm not living it the way I should and I'm not satisfied with it but I continue in this vicious cycle which could be described with every negative adjective there is in all the world's languages. There is a truth within this problem I face and it may seem completely illogical and it might be. The truth is: I know how to change all this. Yes, It is ridiculous. It's not a joke. As absurd, ridiculous and irrational as it may sound. I do know how to turn my life around. The solution to my problem lies within God. Yes, I do not joke. I do not kid. I do not lie. I believe and know within me that God is the answer. The statement "God is the answer" may be so ubiquitous that some may have been desensitized to it and now don't pay much attention to it. In my life it is true and it is also for everyone's life. If I know the answer why don't I apply it to my life? When I think of this I cannot fathom why not. After emptying the contents of my brain in to this blog and I've analyzed what I have said. It all seems like an entangled mess which I cannot comprehend completely. If I could I would be able to answer this question. It is not that I haven't tried to seek God and have a relationship with him, as I should, but I can't seem to do it successfully. I can slowly see it clearly as I continue to write and I think the problem lies in the fact that I have not put enough effort into seeking God. However, I have already come to this conclusion before. Have I not changed anything since then? Do I still do the same things I did before coming to this conclusion? Yes I do! It's like a constant Déjà vu . I have been in this spot before and I've gone past it and now I'm back to it again, in a matter of 24 hours it seems. Yes I have tried to seek God by fasting, praying and reading the Bible. There is always something however that stops me. Yes! That's what it is! I commit to God and promise that I will seek him and I begin to do so in whichever form I can. Before I gain significant momentum, I am stopped by something. Whether it is sin, confusion or some distraction, I'm driven off the path that I believed led me to God. This same things happens over and over again. Every time I'm driven off that path, I wonder whether that was the correct path or not and wonder if I should continue following it in the future. I start over from that path and try again. The next time however I may be a little more experienced but it seems that every time I walk along that path, there is a new adversity or the same problems I have faced along that path have gotten stronger. I can't know for certain whether what I do daily to seek God is the correct choice or not but I can't know for certain until I try my best to do so and actually accomplish what I set myself to do. That is a summary of the war I'm currently fighting. Although I have wasted valuable time in writing this, I think this has helped me envision what the battle looks like and I can look back at this and strategize what my plan of action will be. For now I plan on seeking God in which ever way I can. I want to know from him and hear what it is I must do. I plan on looking for a word from him and continue to look for him in the ways I know how until I know that he's with me and until his purpose becomes mine. 

Change of Mind

I once read that in order to change the situation you're in, you must first change your mind. At first I thought I understood this. I thought that I could simply begin to think more positively, think to be more effective and I would gradually become more successful and accomplish what I've wanted to accomplish. This, however, became more difficult. The initial revelation, that had seemed to completely modify the way I thought, quickly drifted away and I have not been able to find it. When I first read this fact that I thought would change my life, I was a new person. In my mind, I began to make plans. I was ready to become the best person I could be.That night, I went to sleep excited about the next day. I was sure that the next day would be one of the best days of my life. I was a new person and I couldn't sleep thinking how much I could accomplish with the new mindset I had acquired.....The next day was one of the biggest disappointments of my life. Not because something horrible occurred, but because everything was exactly the same as before.(To be honest I really don't remember much of this event exactly, but I know it's very accurate because this same procedure occurs very frequently.) I failed before my day even began. I woke up with about 30 minutes to get to school. (It takes me 15 minutes to shower, 15 minutes to get dressed and 15 minutes to walk to school. I've done this same routine for 3 years now and 30-40% of the time I don't have time to do all three and I'm forced to skip the shower. I take a shower everyday regardless, so I'm not the stinking mess you might imagine.) I was forced to dress quickly and power walk to school. I was behind schedule, like I am so many times as a result of my procrastination. From that point on, I've sought success in my life through a change in mindset, but I haven't been able to find it.

I wrote the paragraph above a while ago and now that I think about it, my mind has changed in a way. Every time I put something off till later and procrastinate, I realize what I'm doing. I know I'm procrastinating. The sad part is that I don't stop myself. Today as I cleaned my room, which is dirty 60% of the time, I realized that the act of cleaning my room is like my determination to change my mind and become a better me. I realized that I can clean my room very well, but it'll be dirty again because I'm sort of a pig. For it to be clean I have to change the way I treat it and maintain it clean. The same way, whatever I do in my life, however much success I have; if I don't think like a successful person, I will fail again. Today I feel like I succeeded. I usually avoid cleaning my room until it starts to look like a dumpster, but this time I did it when I felt it needed to be done. I also cleaned it thoroughly without avoiding those objects which I have no idea where to put and proceed to place them under the bed since it always seems like an appropriate spot. I organized my plans for this week and also my long term goals for this year. I may be on route to change myself, the way I think and the way I approach life. I guess I just have to continue working hard to become that person that is determined to accomplish his goals without delay.

This Blog Needs Your Attention

Who I am/Why I'm here


As you may probably notice, if you continue reading, this is my first blog. Assuming that you read the title of this blog, you are wondering who I am and why I'm here.(By the way I mean here as in this website, not as in "this complex universe in which everyone tries to find their purpose and I'm just another errant soul.") I've been wondering how to answer those questions because I fear that the order of which I answer those two questions will repel the one person that randomly comes across this post. But I guess I'll do those simultaneously. My name is Jasiel(It is a guy's name and it's pronounced with an "H" in the place of the "J"). I'm currently a junior in high school about to receive the marvelous summer break. Throughout this year in high school I realized that I lacked creativity, especially in writing, and knew I needed to improve it. This is one of the main reasons why I'm here. I know this website won't turn me into a Mark Twain or will allow me to master the English language, but like the saying goes "practice makes perfect." I came across the idea of making this blog as I thought about the essay I've been procrastinating over for a week now. My teacher has required us students to write the essay prompt for our college applications, but college is a scary thought that I may write about some other time. If you have been patient enough to read the uninteresting pile of words that lies above this sentence then I should continue telling you a little more about my self. I, unlike many people, enjoy school. Not just because "I get to see my friends", but because I like learning. This amazing ability that God has given us all, which is to learn, is sometimes overpowered by the talent I acquired known as procrastination. If there was a sport for it, I would not win, not because I'm not lazy enough, but because I would be too lazy to even sign up for it. This "talent" also prevents me from improving in some of the activities that I enjoy, like photography. I'm a poor, helpless, amateur photographer trying to pursue recognition and maybe a job as one. Procrastination many times plays a role in slowing the process of improvement. I have so much to learn before I even attempt to seek a job as a photographer. However, I've realized that if I go for the things that I want instead of simply contemplating over them, I can achieve them. This is another reason why I write this blog. I'm being proactive by trying to improve my writing and I'm not procrastinating.


Yes I am Christian


Want to know more about me? Well something very important to know about me is that I am Christian and believe in the God which created this universe and still lives among us spiritually. I understand the internet is not the safest place to speak about God since people find it extremely easy to stomp on someone who has differing views and opinions. I, however, can respect anyone's opinion even if it may completely contradict my own. It might be strange for people to hear "I love God", but love is found in most relationships and having a relationship with God is very possible. I can't explain it perfectly because I don't have the writing ability to do so, but having a relationship with God is another life. It modifies your thoughts, your experiences, and it allows you to see things in the perspective that matters. God is love and he has plans for your good and not to oppress. I still struggle to incorporate God's plans into mine and when I try to obtain both, I'm stuck in stalemated tug of war. When I examine my life in this situation I remember the verse in the Bible that says "Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it." This basically asserts that if you trust God and allow him aspects of your life, He will provide you with a better life. He knows you and although you may think that your life is good the way it is, he has a life perfect for you which you will enjoy. This is what I believe in and I guess I went a bit off topic there (if there was a topic at all) but for this reason I added titles to the separate paragraphs. You'll also have to excuse my writing which progressively worsened since it is only getting later into night and my focus is fading.


Hopes, Dreams and Plans


As I mentioned before, I try to incorporate my plans and God's plans into my life. I work to make his plans my priorities and keep them as most important but I also have personal goals that I hope to accomplish. I thought of titling this paragraph:"Hopes, Dreams and Other Scary Stuff" because the future is uncertain but certainly frightening. In a year I will be going off to college but I have yet to look through the pile of schools to choose from. Being that I'm a procrastinator, I'm not too worried about that yet. I do, however, wonder daily what career I'm going to pursue. I wonder if I can become a great photographer and work for National Geographic or a big newspaper. Currently I don't see that as a possibility, so I still wonder what I can do for a living in the future. It's scary when I think about it, knowing that the deadline to decide my destiny approaches as I near graduation. I find some consolation in the other high school students, who like me, have no idea what their future looks like. I have no definite plans yet but I still dream of becoming successful at the things I enjoy, hope to obtain success and plan for whatever may come my way.


If you somehow stumbled upon this blog and were kind enough to read through the seemingly senseless ramble, I thank you and ask that you comment on what you thought. I really want to improve my writing and I know it gradually got worst, but it is only getting later in the night and my mind needs some rest. Please tell me what you thought about my writing and please suggest anything you'd like.